KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

I've decided to buck the trend of Movember this year by not growing a moustache. I'm calling it No-Movember....

Or for short, November.

"I love it when I finish early" I said to my wife.

"Sweetheart, I know you don't like to admit it but i really think you should see a doctor about your premature ejaculation".

According to the autopsy report, my two year old son died due to "serious neglect".


Nothing to do with me though, I was in the pub.

Surely the attraction of a one handed kindle will more appealing to people looking at pictures than those reading text.

This homeless guy came up to me today.

"Fifty pence for a cup of tea, mate?"

"Go on then," I said handing him the coin. "Milk and two sugars."

My girlfriend has just been out and bought a dominatrix outfit.

Also known as a wedding dress.

So a passenger was forced to land a plane after the pilot fell ill at the controls.

Ryanair have since charged the passenger for his seat upgrade.

Councils say they're losing £30 million a year in unpaid parking fines.

If they halve the cost of a fine, they'll only lose £15 million.

"Fuccking kids are expensive," I said.


"Is," replied my lawyer.

Facebook is apparently down. Millions of mothers worldwide have to raise their babies now instead of posting updates about them..