Dear friends,
Please find attached the signed postcard from Mersyside depicting the whale we have named in your honour, The One Hundred and Forty Four Million Pounder. In this way, we can all gaze upon its beauty and fondly remember our contribution to your wealth.
We must apologize for not addressing you directly, but our computer has a virus; whenever we type in your names it instead prints "Shits and Giggles". We aren't sure what the problem is, but hopefully it will get fixed by one of Robin Hood's Merry Men. While it is true that this is Liverpool and not Nottingham Forest, I am sure the similarities between your tenure as owners of our fine club and the tale of one of England's most famous heroes will bring as many tears to your eyes as it does to ours. It is to our great regret that we cannot be together on such occasions.
Chin up, and just remember, there's a hedge fund waiting for you around the next corner.
Regards,
Liverpool Football Club Supporters