I love the "Transfer-Rumours" website! The guys post the best stories for a good laugh. Like this one:
After being omitted from the Brazil squad, Diego Tardelli will fast track his transfer to Liverpool. A £6.5m transfer fee has been agreed between Liverpool and Atletico Minieiro, and the Tardelli should arrive in the UK to have a medical and sign a contract for 5 years worth £45k per week. West Ham are also interested in his services, however the lure of a bigger wage packet and European football has turned Tardelli to Liverpool. He is set to wear #12, and will be presented to the media with Milan Jovanovic who will wear #11. This will show that Albert Riera is on his way out of Anfield. He is a target for Wolfsburg and Stuttgart, but he wants to return to Spain. Atletico Madrid will be offered his services for a fixed £7.5m price, and as Simao is on his way back to Portugal, Atleti are in the market for a new left winger. Nadir Belhadj will be the signing that cuts the costs. He will sign for £3.5m, and Liverpool could send Jay Spearing to Portsmouth on loan. Martin Skrtel has agreed a deal with Lyon to sign for the French Giants. His transfer involves £11.5m, however Lyon also want to take back Damien Plessis in the deal. This leaves a hole the Liverpool defence. Rafa has targeted Gary Cahill as his main objective, and is ready to beat Arsenal by bidding £15m plus Stephen Darby(optional) on loan. Rafa wants to inject some English blood in the squad and sees Cahill as the perfect signing. Javier Mascherano is off to Real Madrid for £32m, and will be replaced by Ever Banega. All this talk about there being a release clause of £8.5m is rubbish. His release clause is actually £18.5m, and this will be met by Liverpool. Ryan Babel is off to AC Milan. He left the Holland training squad through injury, but got on a plane to Milan, not Liverpool, to agree a deal. The fee is £10m. He will be replaced by Juan Mata. He will be the highlight of Liverpool's summer. Mata has realised that Valencia will never break the dominance of Barcelona and Real Madrid and wants to move out. Obviously it is a similar situation with Liverpool, but he likes Rafa Benitez and wants to move to a Spanish contingent, as he feels he could adapt better. He will cost £18m. Joe Cole is a possibility to sign on a free transfer also