KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

Beat you to it

My penis is like a garden hose.

I'm not referring to its length or girth.

There just seems to be a permanent ban on me using it.

Darn it.

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because his pecker is on his head!

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until i catch one, I'm stuck here just holding my rod.

My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my penis and asked what was I doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer.

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.

The Teacher asked,

"Johnny, what are you doing?"

Johnny said, "It hurts down there."

"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.

A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick hanging out of his pants.

The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"

So Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

A man asks his friend Rick (since he's a ladies' man) how to have longer sex. Rick replies "I slam my dick against a dresser hard to make it bigger and numb, so I can go longer in the sack". The man slams his dick on a dresser when with his wife and his wife says "Rick? Is that you?"

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

Tottenham Hotspur could apparently consider investing any money they receive for Gareth Bale in an attempt to sign Luis Suarez. Daily Mail

What football player likes to share his ham ?



Teddy Sherringham!