KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

I asked Alex Ferguson if he had any plans for his retirement.

"I quite fancy opening a 24hr.6min. garage." He said.

Alex Ferguson is to collaborate with Stephen Hawking on a rewrite of "A brief history of time", after convincing him that the big bang should actually have started 5 minutes later.

What do Alex Ferguson and the former employers of Louise Woodward have in common?

Both parties regret their decision to hire a Nani

Although Liverpool didn't win a trophy this year, Luis Suarez still managed to taste European success.

Luis Suarez is being lined up for the next series of I'm a Celebrity after proving there's absolutely nothing he won't have a go at eating.

When someone pisses you off, just keep calm and count to 10. But smack them in the face at about 8. They won't expect it.

Chelsea have become the first club to win the Europa League the year after winning the Champions League.

That's like getting off with the best looking bird in a night club on a Saturday night and going back the next week to shag her ugly sister.

My wife is a typical woman and takes ages in the bathroom.

"Hurry the [oops] up!" I'll shout, banging on the door.

She's become so selfish since she got that wheelchair.

I bumped into my ex in town earlier, I said:

"How's your new bloke?"

"He's twice the man you are," she sneered, "what about your new woman?"

I said, "Thankfully she's half the woman you are, you fat [oops]."

I punched a blind person ........ he never saw it coming