Saw this on another website and just had to post it, hilarious!
Rumour has it that Skrtel was the boy who cried wolf, 'wolf' was Andy Carroll
Andy Carroll will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Andy Carroll allows to live.
Andy Carroll can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Andy Carroll is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.
Contrary to popular belief, Andy Carroll cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
Leading hand sanitisers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Andy Carroll can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
When Andy Carroll does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Andy Carroll stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
Andy Carroll doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Andy Carroll and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Andy Carroll once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died.
Andy Carroll doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
When Carroll crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Andy Carroll can kill two stones with one bird.
Andy Carroll doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
Andy Carroll once entered a black hole just to see what was in it. Dissapointed, he then walked out.
Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Andy Carroll can curve a laser.
Andy Carroll can speak braille.
Andy Carroll' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of his impending assault.
Andy Carroll can speak Russian... in Chinese.
An eclipse is just the suns attempt to hide from Andy Carroll.
Andy Carroll' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Andy Carroll once bowled a perfect game.....with a golf ball
Andy Carroll expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Andy Carroll was alloted his own section of Normandy Beach in 1944, and single-handedly disemboweled over 3,000 Germans using a potato peeler.
There is no chin behind Andy Carroll' beard. There is only another fist.
Andy Carroll' beard is a third degree black belt.
If you find yourself in a dire situation, just ask yourself: "What Would Andy Carroll Do?" Needless to say, you then give up, because you can't do what Andy Carroll does.
Andy Carroll supports your right to bear arms...unless he rips them from your torso.
Andy Carroll is capable of headbutting himself...in the back of his head.
Andy Carroll knows the sound of one hand clapping.
Only Andy Carroll can divide by zero
Andy Carroll is true for all values of killing.
Andy Carroll can find the square root of the color yellow.
Andy Carroll counted to infinity...Twice.
Andy Carroll knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Andy Carroll knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
Not a huge lover of nature, Andy Carroll once killed a cloud. (It was shaped like a bunny).
Crop circles are Andy Carroll' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
When Andy Carroll jumps into the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Andy Carrolled.
Andy Carroll visited the Virgin Islands. When he left, it was called: the Islands
When Andy Carroll reads a bedtime story you sleep forever.
Andy Carroll never learns. He knows.
Andy Carroll broke the fourth and fifth walls, with his fist!
For Andy Carroll, there is always room at the inn.
Jesus can walk on water. Andy Carroll can swim on land.
Jesus walked on water, but Andy Carroll walked on Jesus
Jesus walked on water, but Andy Carroll invented the boat
Andy Carroll was the fourth wise man. He gave baby Jesus the gift of long flowing locks. Jesus wore them proudly until his dying day. The other three Wise Men, angered by Jesus' favoritism, had Andy Carroll removed from the Bible. The three wise men were later found dead, for mysterious reasons.
Jesus turned water into wine, but Andy Carroll turned wine into beer. Thank you Andy Carroll.
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse are a symbolic reference to Andy Carroll' limbs.
Andy Carroll has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
Andy Carroll does not have skin; instead, he is covered in innumerable tiny fists.
Andy Carroll frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.
Andy Carroll was once bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. After six hours of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.
Andy Carroll once walked out onto the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
The band Disturbed used to be called I'm Fine until they saw Andy Carroll.
The Ghostbusters call Andy Carroll.
Who let the dogs out? Andy Carroll let the dogs out. He then promptly kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Andy Carroll was originally considered for the lead role in 24. But after killing all of the terrorists in not 24 hours, but 24 seconds (he spent 23 cleaning up), the producers decided to go with Kiefer Sutherland.
Andy Carroll can watch "60 Minutes" in 20 seconds.
Andy Carroll once finished an Everlasting Gobstopper.
Last edited by Fowler78; 01/02/11 09:05 PM.
