KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

Study: 25% of British toddlers know how to use an iPad.

That's nothing. 100% of Chinese toddlers know how to make one.

The staff recommendations section at the HMV in town is great.

Thanks to Wayne, I discovered a fantastic movie called 'Jurassic Park'.

I'm a confident driver due to the amount of compliments I get.

Only today I managed to swerve away from hitting a man crossing the road, to which he said, "Nice driving, [oops]".

A guy from the RSPCA knocked on my door today.

He said, "We've had a disturbing report that you uploaded a photo on Facebook of a hamster with a banana up it's arse."

"It wasn't a real one." I laughed.

"Thank god for that," he replied, "So the hamster was a cuddly toy?"

I said, "No mate, the banana was plastic."

That'll do....for now.

Q. How many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse?


A. None. Alligators can't fly.

I saw my friend today and he said, "I was sorry to hear that your wife had died, were you by her side when she passed away?"

"Yes I was," I replied, "but if the police ask, say I was with you."

"What are you doing at the weekend?"

"I'm going to Mount Snowdon."

"Are you sure that's wise? He might leak it to the Guardian."

April showers.

I know because I've been spying on her.

I was delighted when my daughter showed me her GCSE results.

When she leant over I got a good look at her tits.