KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

I was flirting with this woman. Using my best wit and charm I said, "How about we make love together?"

She said, "Ok."

I said, "Great."

She said, "The price is the same as last night."

I was chatting to this fit blond bird, and I was just about to offer her a drink when she got up and walked away. So I shouted out '[oops] bitch' at her. I needn't have worried, a gorgeous red head made eye contact with me, came over and wanted to know everything about me. I was just about to ask for her number, but then she [oops] off. I called out 'dirty slag' at her. The exact same thing happened with a brunette to which I called her a '[oops] bucket'.

I confided with a mate about whether I had BO or my breath stank. He just seemed to think that I hadn't got the idea of speed dating.

Really like that one

I was chatting to a mate of mine the other day when he said to me "Have you seen that clown that hides from gay people down in tesco car park?"

"No!?" I replied shocked

"Didnt think you would have" he said

The weather in Britain is set to hit the 90's this weekend, except the Anfield area of Liverpool which is set to be stuck in the 80's.

"What do we want?"
"Hearing aids."
"When do we want them?"
"Hearing aids."

"Surprise yourself - Visit Scotland"

Marketing Language for:

"Scotland - Probably not as sh!t as you think..."

"Do you think you swear too much?", asked my wife.

Perhaps "Abso-fuckiing-lutely" wasn't the best response.

What do you call a wheely bin with windows?

A skoda

What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof?

A skip