KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

What's the advantage of giving your wife oral while she's on her period?

You can use the tampon string to floss once you're done.

After last weeks game between England and Scotland, 10,000 beer cans were left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans.

Both of them have been arrested.

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the great train robbery.

To celebrate I went into London Kings Cross and paid £4.50 for a cup of tea.

After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.

She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.

It's funny how quickly,

"What a beautiful baby boy we have!"

turns into

"They sure do grow up fast, enjoy it while you can."

ultimately changes to

"Get a fuucking job you lazy cunnt, and get the fuuck out."

I stopped a guy in the street and said, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip."

He said, "Arsenal to win the Premiership."

I got into a Yorkshire university with my A level results: A,C,D,C.

I'm on the highway to Hull!

If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make "Microwave."

No, don't test it or question it, just believe me.

I was delivering a lecture on Philosophy at the University.

"By the year 2100, religion will disappear from the civilised world," I said to the students.

A Muslim bloke stood up.

"But professor, currently Islam is spreading and will increase even more by then," he said.

"Abdul," I said, "I was talking about the civilised world."

I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.

I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.