KopTalk.com Forums The Joke Thread (Keep it clean fella's)

Despite only being a few days old now, Prince George bares a striking resemblance to his parents; like his father, William, he has no hair and like his mother, Kate, he has no tits.

My boss told me I'm not allowed to say 'there's a new opening at work'.

I have to call her my secretary.

Sorry Hendo!

Jokes here. I get it...

My wife is one of those annoying people that ruins films by asking questions.

Last night we were watching Schindler's List and she stupidly asked, "Why are you wanking?".

The kids come in to the classroom after playtime, and the teacher asks...

"Hey Susan, what did you do at playtime?"

Susan: "I played in the sandbox"

Teacher: "That sounds fun. If you can write sandbox on the blackboard, I'll give you one of these freshly baked cookies"

... and points to a plateful on her desk

Needless to say, Susan writes sandbox on the board and gets herself a cookie.

Teacher: "So James, what did you do at playtime?"

James: "I was building castles with Susan in the sandbox"

Teacher: "Well, if you can write castle on the board, I'll give you a cookie"

James, being one of the brighter kids managed to work out castle and got himself a cookie and sat down again.

Teacher: "Mohammed, what did you do at playtime"

Mohammed: "Well I wanted to play with Susan and James in the sandbox, but they wouldn't let me play..."

Teacher: "Oh, well that's not nice. That sounds like blatant racial discrimination...

"If you can write blatant racial discrimination on the board, I'll give you a cookie!"

The headlines after The Royal Baby was born:

GUARDIAN: It's a boy!
TELEGRAPH: It's a boy!
DAILY MAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again.
How to walk, how to talk, How to feed herself and How to not argue with me at the top of the stairs again.

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.

Hahaha now you've got the right idea!

A teacher wants to play a trick on his class so one morning he sits them down and tells them "I have some good news class, we are only having a half day this morning." The class are overjoyed and start cheering. "Yes" says the teacher "We will have the other half in the afternoon."

My boss told me I'm not allowed to say 'there's a new opening at work'.

I have to call her my secretary.